Every day

Every day I have to pack a change of clothes in the little guy's backpack. Every day he wets his pants, and his change of clothes. Every. Single. Day. Sometimes he goes through three pairs of pants.

What is going on? He's almost 5 years old for crying out loud. I know that it's not a medical problem, since he never wets the bed. And there have been times when he's gone several weeks without having a single accident.

I have two theories. One: he's doing it for attention. Two: He waits too long to go to the bathroom because he's too busy playing. Or, maybe it's a combination of the two.

Yesterday, he wet his pants at daycare and didn't say a word all day. His pants were made out of a thicker material so no one would have been able to tell. "Why didn't you tell someone?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulders. I think he was embarrassed. So he sat in wet pants for four hours! That couldn't have been much fun.

So what can we do other than to encourage him to "listen to his body" and run to the toilet before it's too late? We've tried everything else.

I'm sick of dealing with toilet training issues. I'm sick of taking two steps back every time we move one step forward. And most of all, I'm sick of all the laundry this problem is generating!

The potty dance

The little guy has had more than his share of accidents lately. Usually because he's just so tied up with playing a game that he waits too long. Any time we see him doing the "pee pee dance" we say, "What is your body telling right now? Make sure to listen to your body." Often he denies that he has to go and keeps on playing. Then about 5 minutes later he yells, "I have to pee!!!!"

Today I asked him if he had to go. It was pretty obvious that he had to but he said he didn't have to, as usual. Not two minutes later he went flying down the hall to the bathroom, yelling. "Look mom! I'm listening to my body!" :-)

Regression

So, the little guy has been toilet trained since the summer time. At first we had issues with bed wetting about two or three times a week. Now, he never wets the bed (knock on wood). His track record for making it to the toilet on time has been phenomenal....or at least it was until a couple of weeks ago. All of a sudden he is regressing. Virtually every day we find pee in his underwear. Today, he had three accidents.

Today we got very frustrated with him, which probably didn't help things. I'm ashamed to say that I asked him if I needed to go out and buy him some diapers since he was peeing in his pants like a baby. That was pretty low, wasn't it? Maybe so, but it caught his attention. He's adamant that he does not want to wear diapers because he's not a baby anymore.

Everything I've ever read about toilet training has said not to get upset about accidents. All literature on the subject warns that getting upset makes the situation worse. This may explain why he had so many accidents today....

In any case, I took him out for a walk to night and we had a heart to heart. I told him that he's been doing so good at listening to his body and always putting his pooh in the toilet. He was delighted when I heaped on the praise. I asked him why he was having so much trouble remembering to go to the bathroom to let his pees out. The explanations he gave me made no sense at all -- like how his elbow hurt.

So tomorrow I told him we were going to watch Elmo's Potty Time to remind him about the importance of listening to his body. Also, I asked him to try his very best to not have anymore accidents. I said that it's okay if it happens once in a while if there is a good reason, but that he shouldn't be having wet underwear all the time.

I thought we were done toilet training. Has anyone else run into regressions like this. What did you do?

News flash!

I promise this will be one of my last posts about toilet training. I'm just so amazed at how fast things have been moving these last few weeks that I just had to share the good news. Here are the latest milestones:

- No more potty. He's moved completely to the big toilet. (Although you can't see it, I'm doing a happy dance right now!)
- He's eager to learn how the toilet paper works so we've started "Wiping 101."
- The toilet seat attachment will soon be going the way of the potty. He's figured out that balancing on the seat isn't as difficult as he thought.
-The diaper bag is gone. It has been replaced with a big boy backpack that he has to carry himself.

With the money we're sure to save on diapers we bought a new mattress. Our old one was about 12 years old and well past it's prime. With hubby's bad back, we decided that we couldn't put off this purchase any longer. Instead of buying a widely available toxic, formaldehyde-filled mattress we decided to get an organic mattress. The one we selected is made out of cotton and latex and has a 25 year warrantee. At 40% off, it was a screaming deal! It arrives early this week.

In other news.....Amma (hubby's mother) flew back home after a week long visit. The two of them were very busy while hubby and I were at work last week. One day we came home to a house decorated with balloons and streamers, and the smell of freshly baked carrot cake. They decided to throw us an early birthday party (hubby and I are both September babies). What a nice surprise!

Another night Amma kicked hubby and I out the door for a date night. We went to this amazing restaurant that we've been dying to try for months. The restaurant served mostly local, raised/grown in Canada dishes that were prepared in the most unconventional way imaginable i.e. creme fraiche frozen in liquid nitrogen (the dry ice gently gliding across the table really made for an interesting ambiance). I believe the term to use is "molecular cooking." It's hard to explain. You really have to go there and experience it. The kitchen, which we got to tour after our 12 course meal, looked more like a science lab than a kitchen. There was no menu. You just sit down and they start bringing you food. Each dish was in itself a piece of artwork. Just check out the gallery on their website.

Fun times!

Oh happy day!

It's always nice when a happy day follows a sad one. Why am I so happy? The little guy has adopted the diaper free lifestyle at daycare as well as at home. I was so worried that he might revert back to his old ways. Guess I worried for nothing.

Over snack he asked his buddy SM, "Do you know how to use the toilet?" knowing full well that the answer was "No." What a little show-off! It's only been a little over two weeks now and already he's acting like an expert.

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So we're back to work this week after a glorious 2-week vacation. Photos to follow shortly! We especially enjoyed our trip to the cottage, despite having a few rather wet and rainy days.

Once the photos are uploaded I'll tell you more. In the meantime here is a funny story.

Hubby's fishing rod snapped after an unfortunate tangle in the weeds. It was, however, fixable (or at least temporarily). The little guy watched the whole repair job with great interest. A couple of times he also made himself useful by climbing up to the cottage to fetch supplies.

On his first supply run he said, "Mom, I need Daddy's little knife" (swiss army knife).

"Where did daddy say he left it," I asked. "On the kitchen counter," he replied.

I fetched it and off he went to find hubby. Not two minutes later he was back again. This time he said, "Mommy, I need the sculptate."

"The what?" I asked.

"The sculptate," he repeated.

"I don't know what you are talking about. Can you say it again?"

At this point he became very frustrated with me. "Sculptate!" he yelled over and over.

As I tried to figure out what he was looking for hubby yelled up the hill to us, "Did you find the scotch tape?"

:-)
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He's suddenly become Mr. Independent -- helping himself to snacks, brushing his own teeth, using the toilet and getting dressed all by himself.

The getting dressed part is quite humourous. Most days he puts his shirt on backwards and/or inside out. Often he underwear is on the wrong way too. When I point this out to him he says, "That's the way I like to wear them, Mom." Hey, who am I to judge?

He is, of course, just as skilled at taking his clothes off as he is at putting them on. If he had his choice he'd be naked all the time. Luckily our friends think it's really cute when he performs his little striptease act. Apparently I was a little exhibitionist when I was his age, so I guess he comes by it honestly.

The no-diaper vacation experiment

WARNING: The following blog entry contains pooh content. Don't read any further if you don't want to hear about it.

Starting at exactly 4:30 pm on Friday, we started our diaper-free vacation. Everything was going well until the little guy had to poop. Instead of just listening to his body and sitting down on the potty, he decided to hold it in. All weekend long. Even after feeding him a dozen or more prunes. By Sunday night he was walking around holding his butt and complaining that it hurt. We kept encouraging him to sit on the potty. A few times he sat down on it but then refused to go.

On Monday morning we decided that since we weren't in a rush to be anywhere, we would stay home until he pooped. It was a battle of the wills. Hours passed. Nothing. He got crankier and crankier. Then the moaning and groaning started. I couldn't bare to see him in so much pain so I went to the pharmacy (no, not to buy diapers!). The pharmacist recommended using a suppository. He said that because he had held it so long, his stools were probably impacted (sorry for being so graphic). I wasn't sure I like that option so I also bought some oral medication too.

When I got home I told the little guy he had two options - he could take the medicine by mouth or bum. To my amazement he chose the latter! I was really afraid that the experience would scar him for life so, before I gave it to him, I put on my communicator hat and came up with a really good story line. I told him that the suppository had to go talk to his pooh and tell them that it was time to come out. I said that it might be uncomfortable for a few minutes, but that it would be all better just as soon as they finished talking. Five minutes later he was sitting on the potty and voila! All was good in the world again. The little guy was delighted with himself and told us that he was a big boy now etc. We of course heaped on the praise and rewarded him with ice-cream.

Today, the whole scene all over again. Again he just held it and held it.

Our new strategy is to feed him tons of fiber so that he gets lots of practice over the next couple of weeks. We figure that once he gets over his fear, the whole potty training thing won't seem like such a big deal anymore. We've also told him that letting the pooh out is his job -- a job that he has to do everyday. I read some advice online that using this kind of language really helps. So far he's responded really well to us saying this, and likes the idea of having an important responsibility.

We're going camping tomorrow. I'll report back on Friday.

Two big steps back

Do you even need to guess what I'm talking about? I am officially past the end of my rope.

This morning he peed all over the bedroom carpet and refused to help clean it up. Then, tonight, he left pooh and pee piles all over the bedroom carpet again refusing to help clean it up. (Note to self - time to install hardwood). When we asked him why he didn't use the toilet or the potty he said it was because he was mad at us (presumably for not giving him a diaper).

Leading up to the pooh incident he begged me for a diaper. I told him he didn't need one because he was a big boy now. He yelled, "I don't want to be a big boy!" I calmed him down by putting his potty in front of the television and putting on his favourite Caillou video. To sweeten the deal even more I gave him a lollypop to lick while he sat on the potty. I then left the room to give him some privacy and told him to call me when he was done. A little while later I heard a whizzing noise following by the door slamming. When I went upstairs to investigate, it was like walking into a crime scene -- there was pee and pooh everywhere within a three foot radius of his potty.

I'm not sure how to deal with this type of behaviour. If I get mad, he rebels even more. If I'm nice about it, he thinks I'm giving him a ticket out of potty training. If I tell him I'm disappointed he laughs at me. Should I go on?

I have no more ideas. I've tried everything and nothing works. I'm trying to be optimistic about our diaper free vacation but it's hard. Am I the only mother on earth who has a kid that refuses to toilet train. HELP!!!

30 second update

- After much anxiety, the little guy successfully pooped on the potty last night! Afterwards he asked if he could have some candy as a reward. I told him I wasn't sure if we had any candy and he replied, "We have some candy in the kitchen, in fact." And, in fact, he was right!
- This potty training success was quickly erased this morning when he peed all over the kitchen floor (and did I mention he's been peeing all over the bedroom carpet lately and not telling us? We keep stepping in puddles)
- A new stage has begun: the violent temper stage. He's like a volcano and when he blows he really blows. And you never know what's going to set him off. We've been hearing him yell the following phrases a lot lately:

"No! You're being rude to me!"

"That's not fair!"

"I'm going to knock you down!" and other statements to this effect.

- Of course hubby and I are the only ones who are witnesses to his violent temper. Everyone else reports him as being so well-behaved, gentle, nice, cooperative etc...He's the model child outside the privacy of our home. Oh well, I guess everyone needs to blow off a little steam once in a while.

- We are finally able to sleep in again on the weekends. In the morning he just trots downstairs and quietly plays with his toys. If he gets hungry he just helps himself to some crackers and fruit and pours himself a glass of water.

- This morning he drew some pictures and we said, "These are great!" He replied, "Yes, I'm a great drawing boy!"

- Our new couch suffers so much abuse. The pillows are constantly being cast around and turned into forts, water slides, dens etc...And there is no point making the bed because no sooner as the bed is made the blankets and pillows are sprawled out across the room.

- Daddy bought the little guy water pistols so when the weather is nice it's game on! Even some of our neighbours have been joining in.

- What is it with little boys and spitting? Enough already!!!!

The poop on Kindergarten

On Monday, I took the little guy to a lemonade party/Kindergarten orientation. They had all sorts of fun activities happening on the playground, the teachers were friendly and nice, the kids welcomed the little guy with open arms. When we left, both of us had dreams of junior kindergarten dancing through our heads. It was until I opened up the orientation folder that night that my bubble burst.

One of the sheets included suggestions to help your child prepare for kindergarten. There were a bunch of handy little tidbits and then in big, bold writing it said:

Practice personal habits such as:
- going to the bathroom unassisted (wiping, flushing, turning on and off faucets and washing hands)
- blowing nose
- sneezing or coughing into sleeves


Guess which one I'm worried about? Granted we have made some progress in the last few weeks. He's been pooping in the potty at home but won't go near the toilet to save his life. And if memory serves me correctly, they don't have potties in kindergarten.

And wiping? We aren't even close to wiping lessons yet.

Today he pooped in his underwear at daycare and was absolutely mortified. I think he really, truly wanted to use the potty but was too scared. He waited too long to ask for help and, well....poop happens. Can you imagine the humiliation he would experience if that happened to him in Kindergarten?

The clock is ticking so it's time to step up our toilet training efforts. Otherwise he might be sitting JK out this year and heading back to nursery school.

Target practice

Cheerios. All this time they were the key to getting the little guy to pee in the toilet. You just throw a few in the bowl and let the fun begin. What 3-year old could resist the opportunity to aim and shoot? Standing up pees are now so popular that I don't have to drag the portable toilet seat with us anymore. Nice! And he's even doing standing up pees at daycare.

And newsflash! He pooped on the potty twice this weekend! Finally he's decided on his own that he wants to be a big boy. Let's hope that he keeps up the good work.

Hooray for progress!

You can lead a horse to water

I think they should change this saying to, "You can lead a toddler to the toilet, but you can't force him to poop." The drama around the BMs never seems to end.

Whenever I talk to people about it, they don't understand why he's winning and we're losing. I'll tell you why -- his #1 dominant personality trait is stubbornness. I can't even begin to tell you how stubborn he is. If he doesn't want to eat something, do something, try something etc... there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to change his mind. He has to come around to the idea on his own terms. Eventually he does, but it's an extremely frustrating process.

That's my weekly bitch on the topic...

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I've been trying to get rid of toys. Lots and lots of toys. The nursery school is having a kids yard sale and fair next weekend I've being putting together boxes full of donations.

There's just one problem....Every time I set aside some toys, you-know-who finds them and starts playing with them again. Toys he hasn't looked sideways at for months have suddenly taken on a new life. I swear he can sense when I'm about to chuck something! Has anyone else experience this? I'm not going to let this phase me though. All of his babyish toys have got to go. Same goes for the old Playmobile toys that have millions and millions of little pieces. I have a love-hate relationship with Playmobile. The toys are very cool and spark a lot of imaginative play, but good lord are they messy! I'm constantly tripping over little parts and pieces. They drive me nuts! When he's older and better at keeping track of the pieces we'll get him more Playmobile but, right now, they have got to go.

I'm going to load up the car tonight so he doesn't see them leave the house. My guess is that he's never miss any of those toys. He probably won't even notice they are gone.

Toilet training update 1,543,209

Two days ago we took all of the diapers away (except for at daycare). He doesn't even get one at night anymore. For a few months now he's been wearing underwear full time when he's at home so it seemed like a natural thing to do.

When I told him there were no more diapers, he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I'll do my poohs at CC's house (his caregiver)." Pretty soon those diapers are going to disappear too. Once nursery school is out for the year I'm going to ask her to put away the diapers too. It's going to be underwear all the time this summer!

Other than the poohs, toilet training has been going really well. He's even made some progress using the potty at daycare. I'm feeling optimistic that the worst is over.

Stay tuned

Woohoo!

Great news! The little guy used the potty at daycare today while the other kids cheered him on. He was pretty impressed with himself. I rewarded him with gummy bears when we got home.

Anyone want to place a bet on whether or not he'll use the potty again tomorrow???? It could go either way.

A little bit of this and that

I have a whole bunch of little things to write about today.

1. Toilet training. I have tried every single suggestion in every single potty training book, with the exception of getting rid of all of the diapers. Should I do it???? Or do you think it will backfire? He's been doing great lately at home. Still refuses to poop on the toilet but will now sit on the toilet with his diaper on to "practice". And, still no progress at daycare. I'm so frustrated I could spit!

2. Coming out of his shell. Everyone at the park is amazed at how much the little guy has changed since the fall. He's now super outgoing and talkative. Instead of playing shy for 10 to 15 minutes when we arrive at the park, he goes over to kids (even the ones he doesn't knows) and starts playing with them and chatting away. It's great to see him overcoming his shyness.

3. Table talk. I remember a time not so long ago when our table and floor were a disaster zone after every meal. And the laundry that meals generated was astounding! Now, the little guy is neat and tidy as can be, barely ever dripping or spilling anything. You can tell that he actually takes pride in keeping his place mat clean and tidy.

Speaking of meals, he's also turned over a new leaf and is much more open minded when it comes to trying new things. Up until a few weeks ago he would never even touch something with sauce. Now he's asking for macaroni with cheese sauce. Just this week he tried sausages for the first time and loved them (getting him to eat meat has always been a big struggle). And, he's starting to "dip" his food, something he's never done before. I'm hoping to introduce him to hummus and other dips this week.

4. Shamed. Earlier this week, the father of one of his friends yelled at him. For some unknown reason, he pushed his friend off of a climber at the park (which totally isn't like him at all). It wasn't a far fall and his friend wasn't hurt (or even phased for that matter) but her father got really upset and scolded him in a deep, booming voice. When we asked the little guy to apologize to the little girl, he was absolutely silent. He just hung his head, looking sad and terrified all at once. I actually felt kind of sorry for him, knowing that he is usually such a peaceful little guy. For more than half an hour he wouldn't look at anybody. He just hung his head in shame. I think he really felt truly sorry about what he had done.

5. Hide and seek. This is his new favourite game, even if he's lousy at it. The little guy usually says, "Mom, you count to ten and I'm going to hide behind that tree." And he never gives me enough time to find him. The second I've finished counting to 10 he jumps out of his hiding spot to "scare" me.

This morning he hid under the blankets on the bed with his legs sticking out. I guess he figures that if he can't see me that I can't see him either. Kids are so funny!

A new plan that might just work

Okay, so here's the plan. On Monday we're going to start sending him to daycare in underwear. If he wants a diaper, he'll have to ask for one. And once his diaper is changed, it's straight back to underwear again.

I ran the idea by my caregiver today and she's totally supportive. I'm feeling mildly optimistic.

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Yesterday I went to nursery school in the morning and had a blast! There were a couple of memorable moments I just have to share.

In the classroom they have a "pretend" car that kind of looks like a wooden bench with a steering wheel. The little guy loves to sit on it and pretend to drive. So yesterday when he started up the engine I decided to climb on and go for a ride too. No sooner than I had sat down, a little girl climbed on the car behind me. I asked the little guy where we were going.

"We're going skiing," he said.

I turned to the girl behind me and asked, "Would you like to come skiing too?" She nodded her head yes, so off we drove to the ski hill. A moment later the little guy hopped off of the car and ran across the room where the wooden toy building materials are located. He placed two flat boards on the ground and proceeded to ski around the room on them. The little girl who wanted to come skiing with us also grabbed a couple of boards and followed him down the trail. Within a minute, a couple of other kids joined in the fun. It was really neat to watch, especially since the little guy had initiated the whole thing.

Later on, after a nice long ski, the little guy decided to do a puzzle. He worked really hard at it and put all 40 pieces together by himself. When he was done, he started on a new activity. The second he had his back turned, one of the other little boys came by and tore apart all of the puzzle pieces. I saw the whole thing unfold and thought, "uh oh, this is not going to be pretty." When the little guy noticed what had happened to his puzzle, he looked at me in horror, "Hey!" he yelled, "Someone wrecked my puzzle." He immediately started trying to point fingers at one of the other kids who he suspected had sabotaged his masterpiece. In order to clear that poor kid's name I told him what I had seen.

I was amazed by the maturity of his response. He very calmly walked over to the puzzle wrecker and asked, "Did you take apart my puzzle?" The other kid came clean and said yes (of course, being 3-years old he had no idea he had even wronged anybody!). Instead of tattling or getting mad at him he just said, "That really wasn't very nice you know. That was my puzzle. You shouldn't wreck somebody else's puzzle."

Potty training update #543

I have a bit of progress to report, but the toilet training continues to be an uphill battle. I'm happy to say that he now only wears underwear on weekends and in the evenings. And, If we bring the toilet seat with us when we go out in public, or to someone else's house, he'll actually sit on it and do pees.

Number 2 is a whole other matter. He'll hold it in for as long as humanly possible (which can't be good). Even if we sit him on the toilet and read him a dozen books, he still chickens out. So, by the time he can't hold it any longer he's so worked up and nervous about it we end up caving in and letting him wear a diaper. Today he threw a diaper on the floor and lay on top of it and begged me to do it up (so I did).

No change at daycare or nursery school. We've switched to pull-ups but he still won't ask to use the toilet. I'm praying for a miracle.

Quick update

Last night he used the washroom at a restaurant. And, so far today he's refused to wear a diaper or a pull-up...even for his nap. Maybe that means he's going to accept our offer!

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Today the little guy proved to be a "mostly" good listener at gymnastics class, thus earning him a sticker at the end of class. There were a few incidents (including one where he escaped out of the gym sprinted down the hallway). But every time he misbehaved we made him sit on the sidelines until he composed himself and was ready to start listening and cooperating.

He was definitely a lot more relaxed and independent today than he was for the first two classes. Now that he's comfortable with the teacher and the other kids, hubby and I are able to mostly just sit back and observe. And because he wasn't running all over the place like a wild man, he learned some cool new things -- like how to do a handstand against a wall and walk like a crab. On the bar, the teacher got them doing flippy-doos. At each dismount he laughed and yelled, "That was getting really amazing!" These were all good confidence boosters.

Our final offer to the little guy

If you do all of your pees and poops in the toilet we will buy you some toy robots...and you can have a lollipop and some chocolate eggs....and a baby sister (well, maybe not right now)....and we'll take you out for ice-cream....and we'll let you watch Caillou any time you want....and we'll let you fly in a rocket ship....and you can have a hot dog party and invite all of your friends....and you can drive the car...and you can have pancakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day for a week....and you can go to Loblaws to visit the lobsters....and you can blow the hairdryer....and we'll take you to the movies....and you can put sprinkles and raisins on everything....and you can coat yourself from head to toe in stickers...and you can play in the sink and we won't get mad if you spill water on the floor....and you can carve a pumpkin and have a Christmas tree even though it's the wrong time of year....and you can choose out whatever underwear you want....and you can play with fire (well maybe not, but you can watch daddy make a fire)...and you can eat breakfast on the airplane...and you can jump on the bed...and you can have a cat even though I'm deathly allergic to fur....and you can wear pajamas to daycare....and you can have a sip of my adult drink...and you won't have to have a hair wash for a long, long time...and we can play the alphabet game...and we can read the same books over and over until mommy and daddy go insane...and you name it, you got it!

What do you say? Is it a deal????

The things we do for our children

Yesterday, the little guy told daddy he wanted to bring his toilet seat to nursery school. No problem. It's compact enough to fit in his knapsack.

But no, he didn't just want to bring his toilet seat. He wanted to bring his footstool too. Daddy (being the nice daddy that he is) indulged the request because it was the first time that he had shown the remotest interest in using the toilet at nursery school.

So...off they went to nursery school toilet seat, footstool and all much to the surprise of the teachers. But when it came to actually using them he chickened out. DOH!!!

A word to the wise

Don't let little boys who are not quite toilet trained sit on the brand new furniture without a diaper. That's all I'm saying!