Kids can be so cruel

I didn't realize it could start so young. A couple of months ago, the little guy came home looking all sad. When I asked him what was the matter he said, "E said he doesn't want to be my friend."

E is the most popular boy in his class. He's adorable. He's outgoing. He's into superheros. And there is just something about him that makes him the envy of all of Junior Kindergarten. One day when I was volunteering at the school I watched the kids greet E as he entered the playground. They got all giddy and excited. "E's here," they announced and then swarmed around him like teenaged girls at a rock concert. E knows he's a star. So to be told that E doesn't want to be your friend is the ultimate rejection.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I was telling E about how our car broke down and we needed to get a tow truck and he 'You!!! Stop talking!'"

"That wasn't very nice," I said.

"Yeah and he said, 'I don't want to be your friend. I only want to be friends with M' (another boy in their class)."

The little guy didn't know what to say or do so he moped all day long. I tried to reassure him that E probably didn't really mean it.

"If he says something like that again, you could tell him that hurts your feelings," I suggested.

"Sometimes E lets me sit with him on the bus," he said. This just made me so angry. Maybe I'm overreacting. After all, they are only in JK, but can a 4-year old really have that much power over other kids? They need to have permission to sit next to him on the bus?

Then, the other day he tells me that he wants us to help him make a "light saver" for E. E has been admiring his homemade Star Wars light saber and has decided he wants one too. Almost every day he asks us to make one for E to which we reply. When we say no he gets upset.

"But I said I would make him one!"

Last week the little guy "lost" his Spiderman lunch box. This was one of his most treasured possessions. Yet he seems rather nonchalant about the fact that it is missing. Whenever I ask him about it, he's quick to change the subject. Call me suspicious but I wouldn't be at all surprised if I saw E walking into class with a Spiderman lunch box the next time I'm at the school.

So that's E. He's as innocent as can be compared to a bigger girl that the little guy likes to hang out with at the park.

The girl literally stalks him and his friends on the playground trying to provoke them into behaving badly. And the second they retaliate she burst into tears and goes crying to daddy about how the boys have hurt her feelings. The little guy and his buddies are always the bad guys and she is always the innocent victim. Are her parents completely blind?

This same girl pointed at the little guy yesterday and turned to her friend and said, "I'm not friends with him" Luckily he doesn't seem to notice how terrible she is to him. But as a parent I can't help feeling outraged!

Who knew that this sort of thing happened at such a young age?

Parenting 101

I have to admit that I was taken aback when someone I admire and respect greatly gently suggested that it might be time to look into some parenting classes. My jaw just about hit the floor. I was speechless. The words stung me like a slap across the face.

In the few weeks following, I've been thinking a great deal about what she said. I know she didn't mean it as an insult. As a lifelong child educator her advice was well intentioned. I think she believes that all parents should take parenting classes and should seek out opportunities to improve their parenting skills. But, even so, I couldn't help taking what she said personally and questioning what I was doing wrong.

On the whole I think that I'm a very good parent. I'm definitely not perfect but I "mostly" do all the right things. My biggest flaw (which I openly admit) is that I get frustrated easily by whining and nagging. Whining is like nails on a chalkboard to me and the little guy knows it and uses this to push my buttons. Hubby often tells me to stay more relaxed and positive. When I am able to stay positive it definitely pays off, but sometimes it's really really tough.

I haven't looked into any parenting classes (and I'm not sure if I will). But I did order a few select parenting books, including The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I really liked a couple of her other No-Cry books: The No-Cry Sleep Solution and The No Cry Toilet Training Solution. I find her advice very down to earth and practical. Her parenting style also meshes with mine. A lot of what she writes in the book is stuff I already know but sometimes forget. Like the importance of using humour, for example. I often get find myself getting negative which makes the little guy's behavior go into a downward spiral.

I also need to get better about preventing tantrums and whining and analyzing why and when these behaviours occur. The book offers up a lot of good strategies for addressing these and other not-so-nice situations. Many of them I already use, but I've also come away with a whole new pile of tricks to try.

On the whole the little guy is pretty well-behaved but, like all children, he has his moments. I guess a little education on my part couldn't hurt. And when I'm finished, I'll pass the books along to hubby to read (even though when it comes to parenting he's practically perfect in every way). Ultimately, the more educated we are as parents, the more happy and peaceful our life with baby boy will be!

Kudos to all the single moms out there!

I've been on my own since Tuesday and I'm literally counting the minutes and seconds until hubby's plane lands this afternoon. I don't know if it's the heatwave we're having or what, but baby boy has been extra cranky the last couple of days. And, being the weekend and all, I've tried every trick in the book to keep him happy and entertained. Nothing is working. He's whiny, irritable and is going out of his way to get negative attention (i.e. jumping on me, throwing things, creating embarrassing scenes in public, hiding from me). I'm tired and grouchy too so guess what? It's working!

I just put him down for a much needed nap so that I can get some much needed respite!

I honestly don't know how single moms keep their sanity!